Holy Unnecessary Plot Twist

“Forty-two bottles of beer on the wall, forty-two bottles of beer! Take one down, pass it around, forty-one bottles of beer on – ” sang Allisa Flossud Ma’Cheri.

“Can you shut up?” Caden Du’Lavere Osovolov Ching Lang snapped. His mind, once clear of distractions, ready to become Bhudda the Second, dulled by the thirty-second verse. It was only after snapping himself out of a trance did he regain the mental capacity to challenge Allisa’s tyrannical rule.

Flipping her long, gorgeously golden and glossy hair, Allisa scowled at the dissident and muttered something under her breath. A brief respite, as she continued to sing another song, Rekting Ball, at her shrillness voice, causing cracks to appear in the windows.

“Please, holy lingonberries, stop… Please…” his hand brushed his ear, a wet substance smearing his palm. Observing it, he realized it was his Crimson, rapidly deoxygenated blood. Caden’s ears ached, his head once again pounded, making it hard to even stay conscious. He swore he vomited his lunch, aimed at Allisa’s disgusting orfice that secreted sounds of Satan’s secret sessions. Even so, her singing continued, until everything faded away.

Caden collapsed in his seat, dead as dead as he was alive. Allisa Flossud – no, Allisa the Night Queen, Assassin of Dusk and the Darkness – prodded the corpse with her daintily hand-made, shown-in-Milan-and-Paris high heels. As expected, a deceased Caden did not react. Smiling at her success, she left the scene, debating on whether to have chicken or veal for dinner.

“Caden was too easy,” laughed the Night Queen, “Whoever hired me clearly doesn’t know the full extent of my abilities.”

That was when an explosion caught her off guard, vaporizing patches of her flesh and killing her instantly.

An observer witnessed the scene with binoculars, satisfied at the result. He licked his lips, finally able to retire a wealthy man. The bounty on Allisa the Night Queen, Assassin of Dusk and Darkness was enough to buy not only a hi-tech subterranean base, but also an ion laser cannon with an expansion machine guns accessory pack. The money would also cover the cost of a body double.

The real Caden Du’Lavere Osovolov Ching Lang cleaned the scene after a celebratory dinner, leaving no trace of what happened.


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